Pain in My Neck

I know these two events –married to a subset of both remarkable and pedestrian dramas as well as an economic environment that leaves me feeling anything but secure — have begun to take a toll and have manifested themselves as a dizzying pain in my neck. My neck, as short as it is, carries a load of stress, which tends to bubble up when I try my best to be relaxed, nay, when I go to bed. Knowing why the pain is there isn’t enough, nor are my attempts at slow neck rolls or awkward self massages about the nape and shoulders that are holding up my neck.

Part of the frustration of having this pain is that on the surface I do not feel stressed at all. That is to say: on a strictly intellectual level I don’t understand what there is to be deeply worried about. My promotion in trying economic times is a (mild) triumph (my salary is a matter still up for debate), and while my friend’s diagnosis is absolutely horrifying I am not one to instantly think the worse, though I admit to being stunned by the news. Her cancer was caught early and her positive approach to it, to beating it has been inspiring. I have all faith that she will make a full recovery and there is nothing that makes me think that she won’t be laughing up a storm with us this time next year.

But my neck knows way better than my head. Perhaps it is its proximity to my heart, which sometimes knows things way before the head does. The truth is, obviously, that there is quite a lot to worry about. And while I get up every morning with the sun hitting me in the face those rays are not warming my neck where all the worry hides.